What are the five love languages, and why are they important in a relationship?
People have different ways of showing and expressing love. And simply saying “I love you” is not always enough expression of love. When it comes to love and intimacy, everyone has a unique love language that makes them feel loved. Unfortunately, we can feel anxious about expressing love and feelings towards our partners, mainly because we are not aware of our partner’s love language.
If you have been struggling to show your partner that you love and care for them, you may consider learning about the Five Love Languages. After years of studying relationships, Dr. Gary Chapman, an author, pastor, and counselor, introduced five love languages in his book The Five Love Languages. According to Chapman, love can be expressed and received in five primary languages, namely;
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are all about expressing love through spoken words. Verbally complementing and appreciating your partners is a powerful way to show that we love them. It could be simple words of affirmation like you look beautiful, thank you for helping with the dishes, or a simple I love you at the end of a phone call.
Quality Time
Love can also be expressed by giving your partner your undivided time and attention. This involves acts like putting on hold other activities like turning off the phone or making eye contact and actively listening to them through a conversation. To such people, it is all about the quality rather than the quantity of time you spend with them. Thus, they feel loved and special when they feel your presence.
Acts of Service
Like the common saying “Actions speak louder than words”, this is also true when it comes to love and relationships. For some people, nothing makes them feel loved and appreciated like simple acts of service. This could be things like taking the garbage out, making the bed in the morning, or putting gas in the car.
Physical Touch
People with this love language need to feel physical contact with their partner. It does not necessarily have to be sex. It could be in other ways like holding their hand s in public, random kisses, cuddling, or a massage after a tiring day at work. To such people, nothing communicates love like being psychically close to their partners.
Receiving Gift
Giving and receiving gifts has been perceived as an act of love since time immemorial. According to humans, you can only give someone a gift if you love them. For some people, receiving gifts is their primary love language, and that is what makes them feel truly loved.
The Importance of love languages in a relationship
Because people have different ways of expressing love, it is paramount to know and understand what our partners expect from us. According to Dr. Chapman, most relationships fail because couples do not understand each other’s love language. For instance, your partner’s primary love language might be spending quality time or words of affirmation while you are busy showering them with gifts. Thus, knowing your love language as a couple plays a vital role in creating that solid and intimate connection. By understanding each other’s love language, you eliminate miscommunications and amp the love in the relationship.
References
Nichols, Allison, Jane Riffe, Cheryl Kaczor, Ami Cook, Gwen Crum, Andrea Hoover, Terrill Peck, and Rebecca Smith. “The Five Love Languages program: An exploratory investigation points to improvements in relationship functioning.” Journal of Human Sciences and Extension 6, no. 3 (2018).
Surijah, Edwin Adrianta, and Cokorda Tesya Kirana. “Five love languages scale factor analysis.” Makara Human Behavior Studies In Asia 24, no. 1 (2020): 56-72.
Bunt, Selena, and Zoe J. Hazelwood. “Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, selfâregulation, and relationship satisfaction.” Personal Relationships 24, no. 2 (2017): 280-290.
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